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People Skills, by Robert Bolton
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- Sales Rank: #249068 in Books
- Published on: 1987
- Number of items: 2
- Binding: Paperback
Most helpful customer reviews
174 of 185 people found the following review helpful.
Brilliant work
By A Customer
I have gone through the other reviews and I disagree with the criticism a few of them show. I have so far read over 30 books on people-communications skills and relationships, and I believe this is one of the best. It is unique in its approach, ethical, very easy to read and, more importantly, it works. It absolutely works. I was pleasantly surprised for the results when applying the techniques. It is one of those books you read and re-read. Interacting with others successfully is one of the most difficult, yet rewarding aspects of life. I honestly think this book, if taken seriously, can dramatically improve that interaction. I have only endorsed five books in Amazon.com (Being an avid reader, I have bought and read about 120 during the last three years), and this is one of them.
177 of 189 people found the following review helpful.
Good ideas although too verbose
By Shannon Gaw
"People Skills" is a primer on interacting with others. Bolton's premise is that our communication patterns are inherently faulty and he urges the reader adopt his framework to remedy. He presents - in order - listening skills, assertion skills, conflict-resolution skills, and collaborative problem solving skills, with each building upon the others. He blends keen insight into human nature, concepts of psychology and basic Judeo-Christian values into what appears to be a very effective methodology. The skills seem obvious, but in practice are rarely used, and in fact are rather uncomfortable when trying to start using.
I found Bolton's framework very valuable and thus far see its application can profoundly improve my own people skills in both a business and parental setting. Unfortunately, like most books of this type, the text is extremely verbose. Bolton possesses a style that is much less dry and wordy than many of his peers - in fact, I find it difficult to finish most of these types of books - but the ideas plus examples could have been distilled down to one-half the length of the 300 pages. The text is also very well referenced and footnoted, but - as a lay reader - I think the constant crediting other psychologists and philosophers confuse and muddy the message. This could be a book that one could return to periodically to refresh their skills, but its length will prevent the less diligent. I found myself taking detailed notes on each chapter for later referral; while a testament to the material, I wish the author had made it easier to digest.
115 of 123 people found the following review helpful.
Starts strong, ends weak
By Easy Writer
Most books give you 2-3 really good nuggets of insight, hidden in a dry prairie of "heard-it-all-before." Such is the case with People Skills. Most of the content is obvious - have a pleasant demeanor when listening, reflect what you've heard, and so on. Not very insightful.
However I did walk away with a few insights. For instance, as you're reading this review, you may be thinking "Do I agree with this reviewer?" That's the first barrier to effective communication. We all have biases, we all filter what we hear to fit our biases, and we need to learn to turn off that filter - at least momentarily - and truly listen to what others are saying, without judging it too quickly. That insight alone made this book a worthwhile read.
There are other insights, supported by interesting research, especially in the early parts of the book. Later parts of the book begin to feel cumbersome, especially the entire section on negotiating conflict, which is based on a multi-step process that can easily be capsized if the person you're confronting is uncooperative.
Overall - good book, a couple good insights, but over-long and toward the end becomes less practical.
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